Dear 1990 Michael Bolton, From the Friend Zone

Don’t ask me how Michael Bolton came to be playing in my living room in 2019. That is neither here nor there. But I will say the best thing about Michael Bolton besides Office Space is finding out that he had a feud in the 90s with Kenny G.

“How Am I Supposed to Live Without You” isn’t the only sugar rush from the 80s and 90s to romanticize entitlement. And it was just as creepy when a woman sang it. Unfortunately, it has become what the industry refers to as a “modern pop standard”.

Much has been written of late about the rape culture of John Hughes movies, among many, many others, that shape a pop culture narrative in which (beautiful) girls are the prize for guys who s̶t̶a̶l̶k̶ ̶w̶o̶m̶e̶n work hard enough. It’s not just the incels that feel entitled.

Nice guys often think just being nice entitles them to what they want. And they are devastated when their unrequited desire turns their (often imagined) world upside down.

To be clear, ballads don’t cause violence. But if someone is perhaps prone to violence, and books, music, movies, TV, video games, and society in general create a fascia of entitlement narratives, romanticizing a secret admirer’s broken heart certainly doesn’t help create a culture of direct communication and clear consent.