All credit goes to my buddy Steve. But as soon as he said it I realized I had already long internalized it. Certainly I have felt awkward in situations when I realize I am underdressed but only once in my entire life have I gotten the up-and-down while someone decided whether or not I had a right to be where I was. I did. But watching someone look me up and down, really struggling to decide whether or not to ask me to leave was dehumanizing.
The other 99% of my life demonstrates how white people can get more with less than POC who seem to have to conduct themselves in a more polished formalized way to get treated with the same acknowledgment. I just didn’t realize it until my friend articulated it for me.
p.s. I’m now thinking of this as the “Princess Grace Clause”