Thank you, SandriaM :) I hope the women in your life find it useful.
The “politeness narrative”, as you call it, is not only a double standard applied disproportionately to women, it is an easy social expectation to exploit for personal gain.
I’ve never heard a man tell another man, “You should smile more.” Women are socialized to be polite and the men who cannot function without constant affirmation exploit it for their own validation.
I often quote this comedian. And I remind myself and the women in my life that if a man has already breached social etiquette in any way they have chosen to forfeit their right to politeness from us. That doesn’t mean we have to respond with pettiness or cruelty. We can just ignore them. Or say: You just forfeited your right to civility from me. And walk away, free of obligation :)